CROWN by Kay Ryan


Too much rain
loosens trees.
In the hills giant oaks
fall upon their knees.
You can touch parts
you have no right to—
places only birds
should fly to.

Ledge by Kay Ryan


Birds that love
high trees
and winds

and riding
flailing branches
hate ledges
as gripless
and narrow,

so that a tail
is not just
no advantage
but ridiculous,
mashed vertical
against the wall.
You will have
seen the way
a bird who falls
on skimpy places

lifts into the air
again in seconds —
a gift denied
the rest of us
when our portion
isn’t generous. 

Today I re-read my old journal once again. I force myself the torture of rereading this shit everyone now and then just so I can see how pathetic I was and can be.

I’ve learned a few things, I don’t trust people the way I should. I’m always expecting people to forget all about me. I put too much emphasis on stupid shit. That feeling that I’ve accomplished nothing is still there. I still feel like I’m stuck. And I love too quickly.

Reading about, lets call him X, gives me nausea. The amount of shit I took from him is insane. X used to send me messages late at night asking for me to “distract” him. By that he meant he wanted me to show him pictures of me naked or to have phone sex with him. It was all very humiliating. I felt like he just thought of me as a sexual object. I always felt dirty and used after talking to him. Even when I would tell him I wasn’t comfortable sending him pictures, he never relented. The guy always asked and ignored my no’s. Idk why I was even with him anymore. He never loved me.

Then I read about this other person who was there when I was still really hurt over a couple things that had happens and I wrote about him so beautifully. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m still upset at him or because I really do just hate him, but god I hate him. He totally abused of the fact that I was hurt to play his stupid games. It was easy to manipulate my emotions because I was so vulnerable then. Idk why I didn’t write about that instead. Write about how I was just bait in his fun catch and release game. He’s a fucking ass whole and I can’t say I wish him well, so instead I wish him nothing.

Then of course there is that other thing I wrote about which I won’t even refer to here because it’s pointless to mention, since it’s literally in almost everything I’ve ever written.

It’s just sad. Like I hope my daughter never goes through this shit. I’ve just dated the worst pieces of shits possible. I sometimes wonder if that’s all there is…

Tags: diary

"The only people I would care to be with now are artists and people who have suffered: those who know what beauty is, and those who know what sorrow is: nobody else interests me."

— Oscar Wilde (via psych-facts)

(via howitzerliterarysociety)


man on the street

a n t s
              e v e r y w h e r e

     step/ smoosh/ stomp/ crunch/

              i kiss my knuckles—
                 keep you on (the souls of)
                 my shoes.

                            step/ smoosh/ stomp/ stop/


You know when you’re in the middle of an epiphany and could use a drink to finish it off?

I asked myself earlier,
if I have all I wanted,
why am I still so unhappy?
Then I realized I don’t have all I want.
But that it’s no longer a scary thought anymore.
Because here I am,
and here is my body,
it’s still dancing on glass,
but I know now somewhere,
there is a floor that will be much kinder to my feet.
I will not bleed out,
I will race till I find bare ground.
And I will find bare ground.
If it’s the last thing I do…

Tags: rambling diary

This rift is like one of my all time favorites so it makes sense that I’m trying to learn it. I’m playing it like mega slow because I don’t want to to screw up, but I tried to compensate by extending the notes while I sang XD #Thankyou by #Dido #acoustic #guitar #minicover #cover

Pet Peeve:

When people are afraid to call themselves the “F” word because of the stigma extremists have placed on it. Even worse, when there are preachings given on alters condemning those who identify as the “F” word because it’s “Jezebelic” and “not the will of god”.

I never realized that the will of god for us as women is to be second rate as not only our gender, but as a beings. I never knew that just because I as a woman, disagree with a man, and am capable of formulating my own stance and point of view of things, I’m going against the will of god. I’ve heard the word “submit” thrown around a lot, I’ve heard it ever since I was little. Especially since I grew up in the church (it wasn’t until later on as I became an individual that I began questioning what that even meant and realizing that this notion was not one for me). Women must submit to men because that is the true will of god. It is a commonly taught that men are the guide and women the followers. Sermons are held bashing women’s activist groups, ostracizing them and presenting them as a rebellious group trying to overthrow the male gender and dismiss them from their reign in society.

It’s saddening really, they never fail to take something that has nothing to do with them, and make it about them. Why is it that when women become empowered beings, confident in their own ideals and morals, it is viewed as the stripping of male power. Is it that they are so weak that to by seeing a woman maintain her own, suddenly they become emasculated?

I won’t submit nothing. I am my own person and I will continue to be. I won’t add to the fear and stigmatization of the “f” word either. Feminism is a necessity in this society. If you think for one second it’s use has died out then you are blind and ignorant to the things happening around you. Feminism is and will continue to be, until society as a whole changes it’s patriarchal mentality. That, in my opinion, is the true demon.